The Good just isn’t as fun to read, don’t you agree? I have many friends who are really into plant names, both the botanical and common versions. I can’t say I’ve ever really gotten into these classifications like others do, but over the years I’ve run into a few that either make me laugh, cringe or gag. I’m sure you have your running list in your head, too, and I’m hoping you add yours to mine so we can all laugh together! But really, if you need to gag, please turn your head and do so in private.
OK, let’s rip this bandaid off right now with the one that makes me cringe: “Wandering Jew” (Tradescantia zebrina) . Good God, really? If the botanical name weren’t so difficult and unrecognizable, I’d go with that, but literally everyone knows this plant by this awful name. So it’s what I use, too, but I always drop my voice to a barely audible whisper and then look around to see if anyone nearby heard me. My boyfriend happened to have grown up Jewish, and he kind of thinks it’s funny, but I say we give other faiths a turn in the hot seat. From today on, it shall hereby be known as “Wandering Episcopalian.”
Golden Barrel Cactus (Echinocactus grusonii) is also known as “Mother-in-Law’s Cushion.” Wow. That sounds pretty hostile. Guess someone didn’t like their mother-in-law. Not me; even though I’m no longer married to her son, my ex-MIL is super-fab. But you know what? We’re not done with the poor mothers-in-law:
Yes, you know this one, too: Sansevieria or Mother-in-Law’s Tongue. Sharp words, anyone? Barbed comments? Snarky asides? Sheesh, get some family counseling and be done with it!
adamsnursery.net
Now this one’s common name is no problem–dwarf yaupon holly–but it’s the botanical latin name that grosses me out: Ilex vomitoria. Ewww. I’m guessing that ingesting copious amounts of this evergreen shrub will make you sick, but please, let’s not discuss those details. I haven’t eaten breakfast yet.
photo by wikipedia.com
Gorgeous plant, nasty smell leading to its common name of–hold on to your stomach here–CORPSE PLANT! So here you can take your pick–the smell of this flower is alternately described as rotting flesh, flatulence, stinking pumpkin, dead animal. Oh man, I’m grossing myself out here. Let’s move on.
photo by plant-identification.co.uk
Now I have to take obvious offense at this one: common duckweed (Lemna minor) has another common name: Jenny Green Teeth. Excuse me?? I see that this aquatic plant is green, and one could make a case for the tiny leaves looking like little baby teeth. But why Jenny? I knew a girl in 7th grade named Cassie that didn’t brush her teeth too much, but all the Jennys I know (present company definitely included) have superlative oral hygiene.
photo by tristram.squarespace.com
Now we’ll end this post with another aquatic plant: Scrophularia aquatica or Stinking Christopher! Doesn’t this just make you laugh? I mean, really–you can only guess what poor Christopher did (or DIDN’T) do to get this name attached to him. Ate a lot of cabbage? Didn’t flush the toilet? Forgot to shower? I’m not kidding, I’m laughing out loud right now. This describes all the men in my family. All.
It’s your turn now! So many plants, so little time–add to this gross/funny/naughty list. And don’t worry, if it’s a really naughty one, feel free to comment under your sister’s name, or better yet, the boss you can’t stand!
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Not to mention the corpse flower’s latin name is Amorphophallus… “misshapen penis”.
Marc, that is AWESOME! I did run across another plant called “Naughty Man’s Plaything” (Urtica dioica) that made me spit my coffee out.
There’s another common Central Texas native called queen’s delight… shaped like a nubby little plaything.
Maybe there should be another post on plants with sexual names.
Jenny you totally made my day with “Wandering Episcopalian.”
Bwah-ha-ha-ha!! Omg, Marc! Where are you finding these? I think you should do the sexual ones on YOUR blog–mine has the potential for clients to read!
Kat, I’m Episcopalian and I’ve traveled around more than anyone I know, so I think it’s fitting, but happy to have contributed to your day a bit!
Love this! On names, I stumble over common names, especially when they involve “butterfly” or “hummingbird.” Geez, there are a ton of them.
And hey, tell your guy that he can call that tradescantia “purple heart” and make that a happy one for all!
Oh come on!!! The. Worst one is RUBUS COCKBURNIANUS!!! Look that one up!!!!
{ 1 trackback }